Spitzer was an ideal gentleman and customer, Hassidim say

Spitzer was an ideal gentleman and customer, Hassidim say

 

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshivah Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com

 

In a series of intervews conducted by Journal News  it has come to light that a large number of Hassidic Rabbis are coming forth as having been regular co-customers with New York Governor Elliot Spitzer, and they all gave positive reviews to his conduct.

 

“Everyone Jew in power wants to have sex with a shiksa, a rabbis wife or someone important, ever since King David,” said Moshe, who wished to remain anonymous so the other Satmar hassidim won’t find out he has been a regular at brothels for years. “Not many people tip better than the governor.”

 

Rabbi Leib Tropper of Monsey also got in on the sex outside of marriage commentary saying that prostitution can be good, but Jewish outreach better. “The women interested in becoming orthodox will do anything just to get involved and take a 'taste' of Yiddishkeit home with them. The best time is if they are trying to convert, those bitches will do almost anything!”

 

Tropper said he regularly saw Spitzer at the brothels. “The best was to get a woman who just got a huge financial boost from the governor, they were so happy the next customer got treated twice as well also.”

 

Tropper, who got his current wife at an outreach seminar he was teaching, said that the big money set was “easier to reach at the brothels since they were already in a spending mood, and plus a rabbi in the brothel can be bought off much easier than a journalist.”

In fact the only way this blog entry could be written by Rabbi Somayach was by invoking his rabbinical credentials and the Jewish oath of confidentiality.

Don’t worry, I keep secrets about fifteen minutes on average also, said Rabbi Gerald From, who uses information from his confidential counseling sessions to buy prestige with the area rabbis who officiate over his patients.

 “Sometimes helping someone twist a suckers arm is worth more than I could personally afford, and I am sure Tropper and many others were cashing in on Spitzers fun with “Kristen” to the tune of huge bundles of cash on a regular basis,” From said.

 In a written statement issued by the Motzes Gedolei HaTorah, Agudath Israel decried a “wanton waste of blackmail resources by the financial industry in driving out the governor before the full amount of his blackmail could be extracted. Although still a billionaire, his wife knows and doesn't care. He is still married and there is no elected position to hold over his head.”

 Not to be let out of the fame melee, Governor appointee David Patterson gave a press release where he admitted to “smoking crack in a brothel with some dude who said he was a rabbi.” Patterson then went on to say something about a Cadillac with a furry steering wheel and bunny ears on the seat cover, but his office could offer no verification.