Monday, November 22, 2010

Sephardim vote to make Flatbush Judenrein

Sephardim vote to make Flatbush Judenrein

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Masgiach Ruchini
Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to

A new war has been declared in Flatbush, but this one is not between the gentile ethnicities and the Jews. This war is between the Syrians and the Ashkenazi Jewish groups living in Brooklyn. The opening salvo began when the Syrians expanded their exclusion of converts to exclude Ashkenazi Jews.

German is not a Jewish language and all other Jews had no Jewish roots, the grand mufti declared on Wednesday. He further declared he wanted the area Jeudenrein, adopting the German term for an area that has been ethnically cleansed of Jewish people speaking German.

“Flatbush was given to us and not to them,” declared Fred Shakirge, the chief rabbi and grand mufti of the diaspora Syrian Jewish community. He went on to compare the Ashkenazi confusion of Poland with the term Po – Len, here to them, in Hebrew. Flatbush has a similar meaning in the Syrian dialect of Farsi that an Ashkenazi Jew would never know.

“We want these Kuzaris out of here,” Shakirge said. “It is declared in the Talmud how mass conversions will bring a curse on the Jewish people. The results are self-evident when we have fools walking around in the summer heat wearing heavy wool outfits and fur hats as if they were in the coldest Siberian winter.”

The contempt Shakirge expresed for white Jews was not constrained to inappropriate clothing choices, he also attacked ridiculous chumra like a prohibition on rice based on flour bags being used for rice in a previous century.

“The core of the problem with them [Askenazis] is that they are using superficial aspects of the religion to afflict people in ridiculous ways. We find a single issue, completely torment people on the one point and they can do what they want the rest of the time,” he said.

“After the movie Syriana came out, we knew Syrian Jews have a special connection to the elite ruling class in America. We have what they want,” Shakirge said. “The people in the movie they have oil, but that is nothing compared with Syrians being the chosen people.”

Sebi Lenihan, a professor of Jewish history at Carnegie Melon university agreed, offering supporting evidence commonly known from history. “After their expulsion from Yemen in 1948 we found the Jews from that region were speaking the language of King Solomon, living as itinerant sheepherders, peeing in latrines and they all had direct lineage to the King. The closest King these other Jews can claim connection to is in the 60's they were marching with Martin Luther King. Not quite the same thing.”

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Review of Masbia Soup Kitchen


By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchin, Yeshiva Aishes Eish Hatorah
Special to

Any reader of food porn in NYC knows that soup kitchens exist to provide sustenance to prevent the lowest rung of society from starving, then rising up to reconquer the ruling class, until now. The opening of Masbia soup kitchens in Boro Park, Williamsburgh and Midwood feed patrons with a level of luxury rarely experienced at any price, and until now, never for free.

The culinary experience is never just the food. The experience, the atmosphere and the staff can make medium food great and can bring a fabulous meal from the peak of quality to the depths of mediocrity. Masbia excels on both accounts. Unlike other religious groups that subject hungry people to long lectures of questionable logic before they are allowed to eat, Masbia only requires one to sign in and take a seat at a table by oneself. Then the staff brings out the delicious entree of the day, usually chicken leg quarters with barley soup and farfel.

At many restaurants it would be considered a problem to have the same menu for every day of the week for years on end, but not in an Orthodox Jewish restaurant. The reasoning is only logical to a person involved in that religion.

“We never want to change anything,” Said Moshe, the Kollel Jungerman who is beginning to explore the world of work by volunteering at Masbia. At the ripe age of 28 he now has his first part-time job.
“The ancient world treated women badly, so do we. The rabbis in post world war two had chicken and chulent every single week, so do we. The ancient progenitors of Judaism worshipped idols and we have photos of rabbis on the walls of our homes and synagogues. Therefore we have had the same menu every day for three years running.”

The restaurant doesn't resemble a soup kitchen in another way, it is decked out as if it were a fancy restaurant, with subdued lighting, formal behavior and waiters who bring the patrons dinner, bottles of seltzer water and the ubiquitous plate of NY pickles and sauerkraut. Instead of a mechitza dividing between the various patrons and genders eating at the restaurant, there are potted rubber plants, so it barely looks like there is a divider, it merely resembles a poor job of decorating.

However one Orthodox tradition is still very strong in this restaurant, as became obvious when this reviewer ate at the Masbia on Coney Island Avenue. A Jewish woman came in to eat because she was poor. She got her food, and an earful as the manager refused to stop berating her for the entire meal because she came to eat wearing pants. It seems that even free food comes with a price that must be extracted, whether it is in blood, flesh or money.

And this brings up the underlying fault of an enterprise of this nature. In it's essence it is communism at the worst form. The wealthy business owners of Boro Park skim millions off the Jewish community and the people of greater New York and in return they give pack pennies in the form of free food to those willing to undergo humiliation and dress a certain way for it. Then they boast they are not the only ones living well, look at this store they set up to help the people living like them, but without the money. The deepest irony is using all the money to have very large families and then neglecting the children and sending them off to me molested by yeshiva rabbis.

This deception of inequality is the root of the problem. Here exists a group of extremely wealthy individuals ignoring the extreme hardship they are causing in the people around them, or laughing at it and justifying the inequality by humiliation, and using it as a tool of indoctrination to further enslave those around them it is no longer charity. It is just another cog in the giant Orthodox propaganda machine that serves to increase the workforce of people willing to accept less pay and health benefits so the wealthy business owners can earn even more outsize profits. Why, you may ask? Because it says so somewhere in the bible, even though nobody can figure out where, because the bible never says any of that.

Yes the biggest Baal Tzedakah of Monsey sucks his fortune out of the community by way of renting commercial real estate at top dollar, causing the Jewish retailers to charge top dollar. The biggest fraudster sold treif chickens as kosher and still gives his weekly Torah lecture, only now he is retired in Jerusalem instead of Monsey.

Orthodox Judaism is a giant Ponzi scheme justified by the phrase, you just don't understand, yet. The charity is really a form of wealth transfer business, supporting people who provide “services” to the poor. But if a person is really hungry and happens to own the right type of hat or Yarmulke, it's not such bad place to boost your triglyceride fat levels for a few hours.

The casualty on your heart arteries is worse than a pogrom the National Socialist Workers Party would envy, and it won't leave you all constipated the way Passover Matzoh will. But the propaganda value would make Joesph Goebbels proud.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Postville Iowa Chulent and immigrants

Postville, Iowa Chulent Made from undocumented immigrants

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish Hatorah
Special to

Many complaints have come across the desk of kosher supervisors across the nation and across the world that chulent has not been tasting as good as it did in the past. After an extensive investigation, the nation's largest Kosher supervision organization has found the answer with the most shocking reasons. It is all tied to the arrest of Shalom Rubashkin and the kosher slaughterhouse in Postville, Iowa.

In a prison cell revelation, Shalom Rubaskin has revealed that he was using undocumented immigrants in the production of Rubaskins Chulent. Everyone knows he hired people without papers, but we are just discovering they were also the secret ingredient that made Rubashkins chulent the best of all brands available in the kosher grocery.

“Humans eat the finest staples of wheat, high fructose corn syrup and aspartame of any animal,” Rubashkin said. “We all learn in cheder [elementary school] how [gentiles] are not really human, lacking the highest part of the neshama (soul), and also human meat is fed the finest grain,” Rubashkin announced at a press conference held in the prison shower room at the point of a highly sharpened butter knife.

But he also offered the apology to “Vinny the knife”. “But I am sure you have a very nice soul and the Ribono shel olam has a place reserved for you in the front row of the world to come,” Rubashkin said. The whole event was caught on the security camera where the prison security officer captured it on the computer, and uploaded it to under the screen name, Ny'sboldest.

A series of scientific studies carried out independently across the nation found that in older frozen chulent packages, indeed the hemoglobin on the meat was in fact of Hispanic origin with fat and lean muscle ratios consistent with a diet based on Mcdonald's and Pizza Hut. However it also discovered the more recent frozen chulent packages only contained the meat of animals like cows, chickens, cats dogs and pork.

The Kosher supervision body of note issued a ruling that since the delicious chulent was no longer available no further action was necessary. In a posthumous psak din, Rabbi Harold I Scharfman spoke from his grave in Los Angeles and said, “Human meat is more of a delicacy than monkey or Genie. Besides, this gives valuable employment opportunities to all the surplus populations around the world.”

Chabad makes special chulent

Chabad at 770 makes special chulent of people from all over the world

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to

Chulent is often considered the best stew on planet Earth. A mixture of beans and seasoning and meats, served piping hot, it is delicious. Everyone knows the Hassidic world has the best chulent to be found anywhere. Only recently have events in Postville, Iowa began to reveal why. Of course, the best chulent in all Hassidim is found in Crown Heights at the Rebbe's shul, 770 Eastern Parkway. Documents revealed during bankruptcy filings related to Chabad have finally revealed why having an international network can result in the best chulent ever made.

A higher up in the Chabad administration filed bankruptcy to avoid paying child support to his third wife and their twelve children and an astute lawyer was accidentally given access to records from his work where it was revealed Chabad was using it's international network of followers to recruit dedicated Lubvitchers from around the world to serve in the Rebbe's chulent as the most delectable ingredient.

“We sent emissaries to the third and fourth world where the people know human meat is the most delectable sustenance there is. It didn't take a lot of thinking to realize that we had an endless supply of people willing to do anything up to giving up their life for our religious fiction. It was a natural conclusion to include them in the meal,” Said Moshe Hertz, a senior handler for guests to Crown Heights.

Documents reveal extensive communications between employees in Brooklyn and the thousands of Chabad houses around the world coordinating who has their papers in order before travelling to Brooklyn, and who has not yet written Chabad-Lubavitch into their will yet. Emissaries make sure the person will not be missed and around suspicion before allowing them to visit New York and make the ultimate sacrifice for the Rebbe.

“When the rebbe took over Chabad he was worth $10 million. With his business acumen he realized every emissaries sent out sent back ten times as much as he cost and the rebbe died with a net worth of $500 million,” Hertz said. “What makes you think the apparatchiks in Crown Heights limited themselves to the luxuries money can buy?”

As further proof, Hertz, brought up the movie, Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, where a restauranteur became immensely wealthy by serving up the most delicious pies, fully of the best meat available to man, human meat.

Isaac Schonfeld, a Lubavitcher living in Boro Park has hosted a Chulent party every Thursday for the past ten years, a place where people stay up until sunrise drinking and smoking their way to varying parts of oblivion. However his Chulent has no meat.

“We are dealing with a varying crowd and it is highly likely someone would leave my party and drink milk after eating chulent, so we don't use any meat at the Chulent party,” He said.

This was in contradiction of a ruling handed down by the Rosh Yeshiva Aaron Kotler, at Bais Midrash Jehovia, in Lakewood, New Jersey.

“Deorisa [from the Torah], human meat is not meat, it is not necessary to wait 3 minutes before having milk. However if it is in a chulent there is a possibility a person might confuse it with meat from a cow or pig,so it is necessary to wait, but only as a fence around the laws, not as a law itself,” Kotler said.

Hertz was dismissive, saying Schonfeld didn't have a very large fan base yet. “Just joining in with Chabad Lubavitch gives rabbis a connection to an already built fan base of millions. We are the single largest Jewish organization in the world, with followers to spare. With all these extra people to waste, we do.”

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Troppper - If I did it

Tropper releases new memoir called If I Did It

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach, Meshumad Meshubach
Masgiach Ruchini, Yehsiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to

Rabbi Leib Tropper of Monsey, New York had branched out of the Hebrew language world to release a memoirs of how he eliminated the perceived competition of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler, called If I did It. In this tell-all memoirs Tropper details how he became a millionaire and then used his money and influence to ruin the career of another rabbi by falsified claims and using his social influence.

Tropper starts out with the usual rabbinical story of constantly repeating claims of poverty while raking in hundreds of thousands in donations from wealthy donors to help the poor suffering students, then keeping the money for himself, tax exempt.

He details how he then convinced the Rabbinical councils in Jerusalem to give him almost sole authority in granting conversions that would be accepted in Israel before beginning a slander campaign against Tendler, discrediting him in the eyes of his followers.

“I couldn't believe the unnamed flyers and spreading rumors to a few key gossips could be so effective,” Tropper says in his book. “Then when I was approached by Adina Mermelstein, it was amazing. I couldn't believe such a sweety feel into our laps”.

Tropper goes into depth about the system of using crazy people as weapons in Monsey. “You just know this crazy is going to be hard to handle. Sending them to Tendlers shul guarantees he will be so busy putting out fires that he will neglect everything else.”

He details encountering a sick woman looking for some help with her years of hospitalization for her mental problems and just showering her with love until she would do anything he asked her, then feeding her romantic fantasies about Tendler.

“I just squeezed her and watched her guts spill out all over floor,” he said, regarding how Mermelstein's condition degraded seriously with his manipulation. After a year of floating around Tendlers' shul and alienating the fuck out of everyone, “she was ready for the final stage,” he said.

In the book Tropper details how he had a lawyer in his congregation draw up and file a lawsuit filled with the most crazy allegations he could think up, knowing it would never need to go to trial or be based in fact.

“This schtuss, [shit] we made up, we couldn't believe it, and now everyone in Monsey thinks this guy is some sort of monster! It's wonderful,” Tropper said in a press conference. “He wouldn't touch this poor sick girl, but was nice enough to let her attend his congregation, and that was all we needed. Tendler is one of the nicest people in all of Monsey, but as competition he had to be eliminated.”

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

New real estate investment opportunities to support yeshivas

Rabbi Tropper announces new real estate investment opportunities to support yeshivas

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to

A rabbi at an Orthodox Outreach organization in Monsey has announced a new investment opportunity that has many Orthodox Jews licking their lips like it was the blood of Christian babies. The real estate investment trust is being promoted as the biggest profit making opportunity since Goldman Sachs introduced mortgage fraud based equities.

Rabbi Lieb Tropper announced that since he lost power in Kol Yaakov his donation revenue has been declining precipitously. So he is using his last non-porofit entity, Horizons to launch a fraud ponzi corporation that will raise money like the world has never seen. The announcement was made last night at his annual money grubbing dinner held at Monsey wedding hall.

“After years of working with Rabbi Lieb Pinter and developing the expertise few people have in the field of mortgages, fraud, organized crime and racketeering, this program will be the climax of my career, the deal that I can retire on.,” Tropper said.

The idea was to build factories in places where cheap labor is available, near shipping. Tropper said he will build a factory in Africa to manufacture luxury houses, employing children who are homeless and willing to work for a cup of rice a day.

“We'll build near a diamond mine to take advantage of existing infrastructure,” he said.

The plan does not stop at manufacturing homes. Tropper said the plan included, “assembling luxury homes all over Statan Island and middle America, and insuring them all.”

“Don't worry about a supposed luxury housing glut,” Tropper said. “All the houses will have a built in wiring defect. After we over-value the lot, they will all burn up, resulting in the largest fire insurance payout in history!”

The idea was well received in Monsey. According to Mendel Hoffman, Monsey Community Newspaper editor, “This is important to the Monsey Community, since yeshiva fraud funds the lines of credit for all local businesses, from dry goods stores to heroin importers, to car salesmen. “

Hoffman went on to describe a billion-dollar “community trust” that will provide for enhanced socialism for all Orthodox currently living in Monsey. “This will provide for Tropper now that the elders of the community have voted that he must move out of town. It will ensure we all get taken care of and when he takes the fall, if it comes to that, well, he will get three hot meals a day and have lots of time to study Talmud over in Sing Sing,” Hoffman said.

And for people who live in nearby Ramapo or Spring Valley? “Those people are not part of our community, but they are eligible if they can find ten people in Monsey willing to sign them into the trust,” Hoffman said.

When the topic of fraud being illegal was mentioned, Tropper was not put off. “We'll do the whole boondoggle through the Rabbinical Court, the Bait Din, and the FBI can't read Hebrew so it won't be an issue with them.”