Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Queen of England visits Obama, stops in Crown Heights to visit red chair

Queen of England visits Obama, stops in Crown Heights to visit red chair

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com

During July of 2010, Elizabeth, the Queen of England came to New York and inspected her colonial holdings started by her grandfather, George III in 1690, including a personal meet and greet with her recently hired property managers, Barack and Michelle Obama. During that visit she also came to visit a red chair in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. The prayer seat that was formerly occupied by the Rebbe of Chabad-Lubavitch, Menachem Mendel Schneerson.

“It was just like how Grandpa described the old Brittish Empire,” she said. “People coming and going from all over the globe. At one point any petty citizen with a good reputation could find himself promoted to viceroy of an entire region. And it felt even more familiar since the rebbe and my family both claim descent from the ancient biblical King David.”

At first her highness said she found it somewhat unsettling to talk to an empty chair, but she soon came around, and began referencing the messianic redepmtion.

“It amazed me how much the Lubavitch talk of messianic redemption and our life in Windsor Palace. We have goyim wait on us hand and foot while we study the Talmud or do whatever we want, and people tell us how there are many sparks of godliness inside of us,” She said.

“Plus, the Rebbe loves us. He wants us to be happy and will arrange things from the grave, where he isn't really dead and help us to obtain our ever wish. She that lady over there, she kept two Shabbos in a row, and now she's going to have her first child at age fifty,” The Royal Queen said, perfectly parroting the old Chabad recruiting line.

The the queen went on to the most amazing revelation, that she had kept Shabbos for 40 years running. “Being of Royalty means that I never have to work, the last time I flicked a light switch was in 1961. All our meals are prepared, we never wear the same clothes twice,” Her highness said.

“I know the Rebbe hasn' worn any clothes since he died and his empire is larger, has Chabad houses in more provinces than the Brittish Empire in it's peak, but I heard he sent his suits to be dry cleaned and sometimes wore them weekly for as long as a year. I've never worn clothes twice,” she said.

The Queen went on to reference succession battles in various Hassidic sects and the divided state of Vihznitz, Satmar and Chernobyl Hassidim as proof. The Royal Family, already declared monarch over 32 countries is the organization to serve as legitimate messianic leadership over the world. But they are not above granting favors to other religious groups in a power sharing agreement, in exchange for obesiance. “Just look at England, with no separation between church and state. All yeshiva tuition is paid for from my national treasury,” She said.

New Organization demands equal treatment for Hassidim

New Organization demands equal treatment for Hassidim

By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshivah Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com

Anyone walking along Williamsburg Street on a recent Friday would have glimpsed hundreds of Hassidim Jostling like pigeons to watch an overturned oil truck on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway as a part of their Oneg Shabbos. You would have also observed sundry goyim driving by and shouting various epithets at the Jews blocking traffic on the access road. This is the rational for a heimish new organization being formed in Brooklyn called the Society of People for the Ethical Treatment of Hassidim.

The group is a coordinating body between Williamsburg, Midwood and Boro Park. It’s purpose is to focus attention on the four areas in which the largest number of hassidim suffer most intensely for the longest time, minyan factories, shatnez laboratories, in the clothing trade and cleaning out leavening for passover.

A website for the group declared that PETH works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue legislation, special events, celibacy involvement, and protest campaigns.

“I mean look at these poor suffering Hassidim, held slave to a million different myths and fears, half of them never getting laid and the other half giving their wives herpes from the prostitutes on Smith and South ninth streets,” Said Rabbi Pesach Feivel of Monsey. “Every time I go to the titty bar my girls tell me about another tragedy of the system. It is time we began to tell these Hassidim that we care, that they are people also,” he said.

“As of late, large number of protesters have found themselves in trouble with the various townships and councils for their uncompromising stands on Hassidic rights. For example, there are a large number of stringencies associated with the cleaning for passover, the festival of matzos that involve removing every crumb of leavened bread from a persons house. Clearly this is an unnecessary stringency for them to clean every last inch of their home,” Rabbi Feivel said.

The group website said that the training Hassidic children receive from age three to six is inhuman. It said “they suffer from extreme loneliness, boredom and frustration from the intellectual cages month after month.” The website claimed these children cannot speak for themselves and need PETH members to speak for them, and gave a range of suggestions, ranging from writing letters, to boycotts and marches.

Of course one of the biggest areas where help is needed is clothing, and the group was supporting the donation of cruelty free, drop dead georgous clothing for all kinds and sizes of clothing. It even had a skins trade section narrated by Pamela Anderson that would instruct women on the proper way to show some thong without even violating the ban on modest dress and behavior, by being aware of social norms.

One of the more interesting theoretical ideas on the site was the nude run through Williamsburg to show that that there can be modesty based on behavior, regardless of actual dress. The lecture included a video essay of fat old people casually conversing on a nudist beach.

The group was also seeking to overthrow the strict requirement and replace it with an easier way of observing the holidays. One option was to have a giant bunny deliver black socks to all the young boys and black stockings to all the little girls in Boro Park and Williamsburg.
The idea was masterminded by someone identified as Rabbi Paul Kook who said that he “Had no idea if this would be better but that at least it would be a change.”