Chabad-Lubavitch declares crisis as kollel numbers insufficient for coming crisis
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
A recent business analysis from the department of finance and acquisitions has place the entire Lubavitch community into a crisis as forecasts predict a shortage of available labor, thus endangering the entire organization.
The crisis began when a middle management bean counter came to the realization that the organization lacked sufficient reserves of employees for a high attrition role, and faced an inability to staff the money gathering positions around the globe in 2012.
Accountant-business manager and mathematician Paul Erdish saw a movie motze Shabbos kodesh parshas Leviticus and was shocked at the historical cataclysms predicted for the year 2012 and realized the organization was insufficiently prepared for the coming catastrophes that are the hallmark of the rebirth pains of the messiah.
Combining an old Christian theory that the messiah will come amongst great tragedy for the followers, and the Lubavitch theorem about Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson coming back to life as the Messiah at the apex of the Mayan Calendar predicting the end of the world in 2012, the idea spread through Crown Heights like wildfire. Even Rabbi Shalom Auslander agreed that when the world is reborn it, a larger number emissaries are necessary for ensuring enough survived to continue raising money after the recreation of society.
“The Rebbe went from a net worth of $10 million to more than $500 million when he realized each emissary sent back ten times the cost of setting him up in business. If we went public, Chabad-Lubavitch has a market valuation of $2 Billion. We need more emissaries carrying our message so that when civilization is eradicated, the primitive man that survives will know that one man was born, killed and after three days rose to heaven. They may get the name wrong or make a pagan religion out of it but the recreation of civilization will know the Messiah came, left and shall return,” Erdish said.
Part of the problem Auslander said, was documented in the book, The Rebbe, The Moshiach and the Plight of Orthodox Indiference. By David Berger. “We all know there are not enough people crazy enough to believe our system and sober enough to serve as believable clergy in the Christian sense of the word. This is a serious crisis, we must begin dispensing Prozac and finishing classes to our followers as soon as possible,” Auslander said.
“The famous quote in the Zohar teaches us many people will die at the end and we must prepare to sacrifice ourselves so our ideas can be perpetuated,even if it means the end of our religions,” said Rabbi Shalom Keller from his pulpit in the Australian Outback, as quoted in the latest issues of Emissary news.
“Most business models stress the important of running a lean operation but having amble back up for critical operations. The early sailing ships had twice as many sailors as needed to compensate for the high rate of attrition. Sure they sat around drunk, but the toughest ones got rich doing it,” Keller said.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Square Rebbe declares war of terror on nonbelievers, converts mikveh to zyklon b gas chambers
Square Rebbe declares war of terror on nonbelievers, converts mikveh to zyklon b gas chambers
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The patriarch of the Hasidic community in New Square, Rabbi David Twesky has announced a new “War of Terror” against all non-believers who dare to give tithe to shuls other than his own and lethally condemned all Jewish people who pray at other synagogues outside of New Square. As part of the plan he is inviting all people from other area synagogues to come pray at his synagogue and use the New Square Mikvah before, while carefully converting the world-class bathing operation into a gas chamber featuring Zyklon B gas and using the nearby bakery ovens to reduce human remains to ashes.
The news announcement comes after a disturbing incident where a follower, Shaul Spitzer, acting on his own, but with implicit direction from the rebbe, caused burns on 50 percent of the body of Aron Rottenberg, a New Square resident and follower of the Rebbe who had been praying at a different synagogue for well over two weeks.
“I was just trying out something new, and now this,” Said Rottenberg. “I heard about this thing called Modernish Orthodox where people look more American and there was one just down the street. I merely wanted to see if they read from the same Torah as the Square Hassidim.”
According to the Grand Rebbe, this type of insubordination is totally unacceptable. In words echoing the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Long like the King Messiah, every man should think of his Rebbe as the King Messiah, and thus blindly obey.
“This mans presence at another shul show unwanted individual thinking, thus obviating the need for a trial,” Twersky said. “Following the lead of Presidents Bush, Obama and Der Furher, we tried him in absentia, convicted him, and sent a man to burn his house down, forcing him to move. Carrying the sentence out on his person was a unfortunate misdirection, but a result I am fully comfortable with.”
The trial and sentence were carried out by the Brown Shirts of New Square, often called Jihadists by the compassionate and loving members who welcome everyone with open arms and are never harsh or cruel with anyone.
“I think the guy had it coming, associating with Misnagdim, the historical enemy of the Heimish Frum world is verboten,” said Mendel Berger, a community leader and top scoring jihadist. He has presided over the largest number of attacks on infidels of any Squarer Hassidim.
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The patriarch of the Hasidic community in New Square, Rabbi David Twesky has announced a new “War of Terror” against all non-believers who dare to give tithe to shuls other than his own and lethally condemned all Jewish people who pray at other synagogues outside of New Square. As part of the plan he is inviting all people from other area synagogues to come pray at his synagogue and use the New Square Mikvah before, while carefully converting the world-class bathing operation into a gas chamber featuring Zyklon B gas and using the nearby bakery ovens to reduce human remains to ashes.
The news announcement comes after a disturbing incident where a follower, Shaul Spitzer, acting on his own, but with implicit direction from the rebbe, caused burns on 50 percent of the body of Aron Rottenberg, a New Square resident and follower of the Rebbe who had been praying at a different synagogue for well over two weeks.
“I was just trying out something new, and now this,” Said Rottenberg. “I heard about this thing called Modernish Orthodox where people look more American and there was one just down the street. I merely wanted to see if they read from the same Torah as the Square Hassidim.”
According to the Grand Rebbe, this type of insubordination is totally unacceptable. In words echoing the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Long like the King Messiah, every man should think of his Rebbe as the King Messiah, and thus blindly obey.
“This mans presence at another shul show unwanted individual thinking, thus obviating the need for a trial,” Twersky said. “Following the lead of Presidents Bush, Obama and Der Furher, we tried him in absentia, convicted him, and sent a man to burn his house down, forcing him to move. Carrying the sentence out on his person was a unfortunate misdirection, but a result I am fully comfortable with.”
The trial and sentence were carried out by the Brown Shirts of New Square, often called Jihadists by the compassionate and loving members who welcome everyone with open arms and are never harsh or cruel with anyone.
“I think the guy had it coming, associating with Misnagdim, the historical enemy of the Heimish Frum world is verboten,” said Mendel Berger, a community leader and top scoring jihadist. He has presided over the largest number of attacks on infidels of any Squarer Hassidim.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Chabad-Lubavitch wins award from Amway
Chabad-Lubavitch wins award from Amway
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
During the 2010 annual Awards dinner banquet at the Amway world headquarters in Ada, Michigan, there was a unique form of recognition given to Chabad-Lubavitch for their expansive international network. Jay Andel and Rich Devos got up in front of the crowd and declared their envy of the international Hassidic organization.
“We're rich, but they are rich and tax exempt. One day Amway will be up there with Scientology and Chabad,” Devos said. “Until then we use our tax havens, pay our taxes and get our customers to work for us as much as possible. But there is so much Amway could learn from this organization.”
A Shaliach, or emissary of the deceased rebbe was on hand to give an eloquent acceptance speech and ask for Amway members to think about Chabad-Lubavitch in their last will and testament and consider making their tithing to the organization.
“We don't ask for much, ten percent of your post tax, post cost of living expenses would not tax most people. We make it sound easy so that even people who are poor can donate and all those poor people eventually add up to as much as half of the donations of one rich person. Plus they all turn into sales people on their own right. This is a lesson Amway could learn from the occult,” Said Rabbi Shalom Ber Liberow, from Chabad of Western Michigan.
In an attempt to cudgel more donations, Rabbi Yosef Weingarten spiked the punch with pure grain alcohol, saying, “It worked with the college kids. Why not with these schmucks?” In his talk he motivated the sellers at Amway by sharing some of the techniques used by Chabad.
“Begin by catching people off guard and finding their weaknesses and then use that to manipulate the crowd. Usually they will be afraid of security for the future. Then you tell them how your product can solve that problem best. I always tell people why worry about retirement when they have no place in the imaginary world that doesn't exist? Then I promise them a seat with the dead guy upstairs! All for a low, low price.”
Then Andel, compared the techniques favorable to Amway motivational pamphlet #17-879.3, becoming your own best customer, page 447, where it says, “basically the same thing, except for the part about dosing your unsuspecting customer with large amounts of vodka.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
During the 2010 annual Awards dinner banquet at the Amway world headquarters in Ada, Michigan, there was a unique form of recognition given to Chabad-Lubavitch for their expansive international network. Jay Andel and Rich Devos got up in front of the crowd and declared their envy of the international Hassidic organization.
“We're rich, but they are rich and tax exempt. One day Amway will be up there with Scientology and Chabad,” Devos said. “Until then we use our tax havens, pay our taxes and get our customers to work for us as much as possible. But there is so much Amway could learn from this organization.”
A Shaliach, or emissary of the deceased rebbe was on hand to give an eloquent acceptance speech and ask for Amway members to think about Chabad-Lubavitch in their last will and testament and consider making their tithing to the organization.
“We don't ask for much, ten percent of your post tax, post cost of living expenses would not tax most people. We make it sound easy so that even people who are poor can donate and all those poor people eventually add up to as much as half of the donations of one rich person. Plus they all turn into sales people on their own right. This is a lesson Amway could learn from the occult,” Said Rabbi Shalom Ber Liberow, from Chabad of Western Michigan.
In an attempt to cudgel more donations, Rabbi Yosef Weingarten spiked the punch with pure grain alcohol, saying, “It worked with the college kids. Why not with these schmucks?” In his talk he motivated the sellers at Amway by sharing some of the techniques used by Chabad.
“Begin by catching people off guard and finding their weaknesses and then use that to manipulate the crowd. Usually they will be afraid of security for the future. Then you tell them how your product can solve that problem best. I always tell people why worry about retirement when they have no place in the imaginary world that doesn't exist? Then I promise them a seat with the dead guy upstairs! All for a low, low price.”
Then Andel, compared the techniques favorable to Amway motivational pamphlet #17-879.3, becoming your own best customer, page 447, where it says, “basically the same thing, except for the part about dosing your unsuspecting customer with large amounts of vodka.”
Jewish group announces new organization, National Alliance for the Mentally Well
Jewish group announces new organization, National Alliance for the Mentally Well
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The patriarch of the Monsey Community Outreach announced today that a new organization was afoot in Monsey and soon the world would be worshiping at the feet of Jews while they studied Talmud and the Messiah arrived. The National Alliance for the Mentally Well was announced by Mendel Hoffman Tuesday as a new support organization designed to bolster Orthodox influence while taking all the money intended to help sick people nationwide.
The new organization, patterned after the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, has a uniquely Jewish twist, because it is not designed to help people, only to collect money.
“We know that society at large suffers from the mental illness called secularism, and the religious life is the only way. Besides the religion is oppressive enough that most of us suffer from symptoms of PTSD, OCD and depression,” Hoffman said.
“We got all the school vouchers for the New York City. All. 100 percent. Now, we are taking the other money and putting it to use, lining the pockets of the rabbinate of Monsey!” Hoffman gleefully announced to the deafening cheers of a crowd of thousands of Hassidim and Ultra-Orthodox at a collaborative press release and sium in the Rockland county park.
As part of the celebration, the held during the three weeks of summer when the Orthodox are not allowed to eat meat, announcements were made, three old men held a celebration for completing the reading of a tractate of Mishnah and two thousand people ate free barbecue and drank beer in the summer heat. Monsey Community Outreach footed the bill with money allocated for helping adults with Downs Syndrome live independently.
“Even the name is a joke on the goyim,” Hoffman said, “Since everybody knows being frum causes mental illness. Where else can you find such a large group of people all afflicted with PTSD from childhood parental neglect and childhood sexual molestation, OCD from years of obsessing about molecules, contradictory kosher laws and a restrictive lifestyle that doesn't allow for basic health measures, any physical activity, freedom or happiness?”
“The funniest part, for us rabbis,” Hoffman said, “is we know the rules are a joke and we watch our Mexican caterers carry unboiled wine and bless Jesus while they pour a bracha for unsuspecting Hasidim. Then we laugh our ass off. This distresses our followers who then come to us with money, seeking a way to feel better.”
“Now we have an organization to help us use these people to defraud the government through this organization, even while we still collect tithing from them,” Hoffman said. “We already have tons of downs babies and that is a major source of wealth flowing into the community. Now we can start collecting on behalf of healthy normal-ish people as well.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The patriarch of the Monsey Community Outreach announced today that a new organization was afoot in Monsey and soon the world would be worshiping at the feet of Jews while they studied Talmud and the Messiah arrived. The National Alliance for the Mentally Well was announced by Mendel Hoffman Tuesday as a new support organization designed to bolster Orthodox influence while taking all the money intended to help sick people nationwide.
The new organization, patterned after the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, has a uniquely Jewish twist, because it is not designed to help people, only to collect money.
“We know that society at large suffers from the mental illness called secularism, and the religious life is the only way. Besides the religion is oppressive enough that most of us suffer from symptoms of PTSD, OCD and depression,” Hoffman said.
“We got all the school vouchers for the New York City. All. 100 percent. Now, we are taking the other money and putting it to use, lining the pockets of the rabbinate of Monsey!” Hoffman gleefully announced to the deafening cheers of a crowd of thousands of Hassidim and Ultra-Orthodox at a collaborative press release and sium in the Rockland county park.
As part of the celebration, the held during the three weeks of summer when the Orthodox are not allowed to eat meat, announcements were made, three old men held a celebration for completing the reading of a tractate of Mishnah and two thousand people ate free barbecue and drank beer in the summer heat. Monsey Community Outreach footed the bill with money allocated for helping adults with Downs Syndrome live independently.
“Even the name is a joke on the goyim,” Hoffman said, “Since everybody knows being frum causes mental illness. Where else can you find such a large group of people all afflicted with PTSD from childhood parental neglect and childhood sexual molestation, OCD from years of obsessing about molecules, contradictory kosher laws and a restrictive lifestyle that doesn't allow for basic health measures, any physical activity, freedom or happiness?”
“The funniest part, for us rabbis,” Hoffman said, “is we know the rules are a joke and we watch our Mexican caterers carry unboiled wine and bless Jesus while they pour a bracha for unsuspecting Hasidim. Then we laugh our ass off. This distresses our followers who then come to us with money, seeking a way to feel better.”
“Now we have an organization to help us use these people to defraud the government through this organization, even while we still collect tithing from them,” Hoffman said. “We already have tons of downs babies and that is a major source of wealth flowing into the community. Now we can start collecting on behalf of healthy normal-ish people as well.”
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Queen of England visits Obama, stops in Crown Heights to visit red chair
Queen of England visits Obama, stops in Crown Heights to visit red chair
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
During July of 2010, Elizabeth, the Queen of England came to New York and inspected her colonial holdings started by her grandfather, George III in 1690, including a personal meet and greet with her recently hired property managers, Barack and Michelle Obama. During that visit she also came to visit a red chair in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. The prayer seat that was formerly occupied by the Rebbe of Chabad-Lubavitch, Menachem Mendel Schneerson.
“It was just like how Grandpa described the old Brittish Empire,” she said. “People coming and going from all over the globe. At one point any petty citizen with a good reputation could find himself promoted to viceroy of an entire region. And it felt even more familiar since the rebbe and my family both claim descent from the ancient biblical King David.”
At first her highness said she found it somewhat unsettling to talk to an empty chair, but she soon came around, and began referencing the messianic redepmtion.
“It amazed me how much the Lubavitch talk of messianic redemption and our life in Windsor Palace. We have goyim wait on us hand and foot while we study the Talmud or do whatever we want, and people tell us how there are many sparks of godliness inside of us,” She said.
“Plus, the Rebbe loves us. He wants us to be happy and will arrange things from the grave, where he isn't really dead and help us to obtain our ever wish. She that lady over there, she kept two Shabbos in a row, and now she's going to have her first child at age fifty,” The Royal Queen said, perfectly parroting the old Chabad recruiting line.
The the queen went on to the most amazing revelation, that she had kept Shabbos for 40 years running. “Being of Royalty means that I never have to work, the last time I flicked a light switch was in 1961. All our meals are prepared, we never wear the same clothes twice,” Her highness said.
“I know the Rebbe hasn' worn any clothes since he died and his empire is larger, has Chabad houses in more provinces than the Brittish Empire in it's peak, but I heard he sent his suits to be dry cleaned and sometimes wore them weekly for as long as a year. I've never worn clothes twice,” she said.
The Queen went on to reference succession battles in various Hassidic sects and the divided state of Vihznitz, Satmar and Chernobyl Hassidim as proof. The Royal Family, already declared monarch over 32 countries is the organization to serve as legitimate messianic leadership over the world. But they are not above granting favors to other religious groups in a power sharing agreement, in exchange for obesiance. “Just look at England, with no separation between church and state. All yeshiva tuition is paid for from my national treasury,” She said.
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
During July of 2010, Elizabeth, the Queen of England came to New York and inspected her colonial holdings started by her grandfather, George III in 1690, including a personal meet and greet with her recently hired property managers, Barack and Michelle Obama. During that visit she also came to visit a red chair in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. The prayer seat that was formerly occupied by the Rebbe of Chabad-Lubavitch, Menachem Mendel Schneerson.
“It was just like how Grandpa described the old Brittish Empire,” she said. “People coming and going from all over the globe. At one point any petty citizen with a good reputation could find himself promoted to viceroy of an entire region. And it felt even more familiar since the rebbe and my family both claim descent from the ancient biblical King David.”
At first her highness said she found it somewhat unsettling to talk to an empty chair, but she soon came around, and began referencing the messianic redepmtion.
“It amazed me how much the Lubavitch talk of messianic redemption and our life in Windsor Palace. We have goyim wait on us hand and foot while we study the Talmud or do whatever we want, and people tell us how there are many sparks of godliness inside of us,” She said.
“Plus, the Rebbe loves us. He wants us to be happy and will arrange things from the grave, where he isn't really dead and help us to obtain our ever wish. She that lady over there, she kept two Shabbos in a row, and now she's going to have her first child at age fifty,” The Royal Queen said, perfectly parroting the old Chabad recruiting line.
The the queen went on to the most amazing revelation, that she had kept Shabbos for 40 years running. “Being of Royalty means that I never have to work, the last time I flicked a light switch was in 1961. All our meals are prepared, we never wear the same clothes twice,” Her highness said.
“I know the Rebbe hasn' worn any clothes since he died and his empire is larger, has Chabad houses in more provinces than the Brittish Empire in it's peak, but I heard he sent his suits to be dry cleaned and sometimes wore them weekly for as long as a year. I've never worn clothes twice,” she said.
The Queen went on to reference succession battles in various Hassidic sects and the divided state of Vihznitz, Satmar and Chernobyl Hassidim as proof. The Royal Family, already declared monarch over 32 countries is the organization to serve as legitimate messianic leadership over the world. But they are not above granting favors to other religious groups in a power sharing agreement, in exchange for obesiance. “Just look at England, with no separation between church and state. All yeshiva tuition is paid for from my national treasury,” She said.
New Organization demands equal treatment for Hassidim
New Organization demands equal treatment for Hassidim
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshivah Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
Anyone walking along Williamsburg Street on a recent Friday would have glimpsed hundreds of Hassidim Jostling like pigeons to watch an overturned oil truck on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway as a part of their Oneg Shabbos. You would have also observed sundry goyim driving by and shouting various epithets at the Jews blocking traffic on the access road. This is the rational for a heimish new organization being formed in Brooklyn called the Society of People for the Ethical Treatment of Hassidim.
The group is a coordinating body between Williamsburg, Midwood and Boro Park. It’s purpose is to focus attention on the four areas in which the largest number of hassidim suffer most intensely for the longest time, minyan factories, shatnez laboratories, in the clothing trade and cleaning out leavening for passover.
A website for the group declared that PETH works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue legislation, special events, celibacy involvement, and protest campaigns.
“I mean look at these poor suffering Hassidim, held slave to a million different myths and fears, half of them never getting laid and the other half giving their wives herpes from the prostitutes on Smith and South ninth streets,” Said Rabbi Pesach Feivel of Monsey. “Every time I go to the titty bar my girls tell me about another tragedy of the system. It is time we began to tell these Hassidim that we care, that they are people also,” he said.
“As of late, large number of protesters have found themselves in trouble with the various townships and councils for their uncompromising stands on Hassidic rights. For example, there are a large number of stringencies associated with the cleaning for passover, the festival of matzos that involve removing every crumb of leavened bread from a persons house. Clearly this is an unnecessary stringency for them to clean every last inch of their home,” Rabbi Feivel said.
The group website said that the training Hassidic children receive from age three to six is inhuman. It said “they suffer from extreme loneliness, boredom and frustration from the intellectual cages month after month.” The website claimed these children cannot speak for themselves and need PETH members to speak for them, and gave a range of suggestions, ranging from writing letters, to boycotts and marches.
Of course one of the biggest areas where help is needed is clothing, and the group was supporting the donation of cruelty free, drop dead georgous clothing for all kinds and sizes of clothing. It even had a skins trade section narrated by Pamela Anderson that would instruct women on the proper way to show some thong without even violating the ban on modest dress and behavior, by being aware of social norms.
One of the more interesting theoretical ideas on the site was the nude run through Williamsburg to show that that there can be modesty based on behavior, regardless of actual dress. The lecture included a video essay of fat old people casually conversing on a nudist beach.
The group was also seeking to overthrow the strict requirement and replace it with an easier way of observing the holidays. One option was to have a giant bunny deliver black socks to all the young boys and black stockings to all the little girls in Boro Park and Williamsburg.
The idea was masterminded by someone identified as Rabbi Paul Kook who said that he “Had no idea if this would be better but that at least it would be a change.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshivah Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
Anyone walking along Williamsburg Street on a recent Friday would have glimpsed hundreds of Hassidim Jostling like pigeons to watch an overturned oil truck on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway as a part of their Oneg Shabbos. You would have also observed sundry goyim driving by and shouting various epithets at the Jews blocking traffic on the access road. This is the rational for a heimish new organization being formed in Brooklyn called the Society of People for the Ethical Treatment of Hassidim.
The group is a coordinating body between Williamsburg, Midwood and Boro Park. It’s purpose is to focus attention on the four areas in which the largest number of hassidim suffer most intensely for the longest time, minyan factories, shatnez laboratories, in the clothing trade and cleaning out leavening for passover.
A website for the group declared that PETH works through public education, cruelty investigations, research, animal rescue legislation, special events, celibacy involvement, and protest campaigns.
“I mean look at these poor suffering Hassidim, held slave to a million different myths and fears, half of them never getting laid and the other half giving their wives herpes from the prostitutes on Smith and South ninth streets,” Said Rabbi Pesach Feivel of Monsey. “Every time I go to the titty bar my girls tell me about another tragedy of the system. It is time we began to tell these Hassidim that we care, that they are people also,” he said.
“As of late, large number of protesters have found themselves in trouble with the various townships and councils for their uncompromising stands on Hassidic rights. For example, there are a large number of stringencies associated with the cleaning for passover, the festival of matzos that involve removing every crumb of leavened bread from a persons house. Clearly this is an unnecessary stringency for them to clean every last inch of their home,” Rabbi Feivel said.
The group website said that the training Hassidic children receive from age three to six is inhuman. It said “they suffer from extreme loneliness, boredom and frustration from the intellectual cages month after month.” The website claimed these children cannot speak for themselves and need PETH members to speak for them, and gave a range of suggestions, ranging from writing letters, to boycotts and marches.
Of course one of the biggest areas where help is needed is clothing, and the group was supporting the donation of cruelty free, drop dead georgous clothing for all kinds and sizes of clothing. It even had a skins trade section narrated by Pamela Anderson that would instruct women on the proper way to show some thong without even violating the ban on modest dress and behavior, by being aware of social norms.
One of the more interesting theoretical ideas on the site was the nude run through Williamsburg to show that that there can be modesty based on behavior, regardless of actual dress. The lecture included a video essay of fat old people casually conversing on a nudist beach.
The group was also seeking to overthrow the strict requirement and replace it with an easier way of observing the holidays. One option was to have a giant bunny deliver black socks to all the young boys and black stockings to all the little girls in Boro Park and Williamsburg.
The idea was masterminded by someone identified as Rabbi Paul Kook who said that he “Had no idea if this would be better but that at least it would be a change.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)