Satmar announces number one award for growth

Satmar spokesman announces CDC number one award for growth

By Rabbi Lamech Somach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish Hatorah
Special to Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com

The Hassidic group Satmar held a press conference announcing they won an achievement
award for outstanding progress from the government of the United States, announced Mordechai Teitelbaum, spokesperson for the grand Rebbe based out of the Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn. “Our organizational goal has been to produce as many children as possible and now we are the dominant religious block in New York, and this only validates our existence. We have every appearance of success,” Teitelbaum said.

Although the announcement was heralded as proof of success, the “recognition” was actually a report from the Centers For Disease Control in Atlanta regarding large amounts of high risk sexual behavior for the transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The carefully worded report was a warning that many members of the Satmar Hassidic group regularly participate in unprotected, high risk sexual behavior, making Williamsburg the site for the next major AIDS outbreak.

The report, “High growth risk in the religious world” said that the high levels of marital infidelity found among all the various Ultra-Orthodox groups form a major risk cluster for HIV and other STDs. Because survey respondents are forced into marriage at an early age, many report openly seeking sexual experiences outside of marriage.68.5 percent of respondents reported that their spouses knew about the affair and but did not care.

Factors contributing to the problem included a complete lack of sexual education and a complete isolation from advertising designed to educate people about the problem. It also mentioned forced marriage at an early age and complete disregard for personal preferences by the individuals charged with arranging marriages. According to CDC analyst Steve Ziglar, these social conditions inside the Satmar community are highly conducive to the transmission and growth of HIV and AIDS.

“There is a disproportionate emphasis on appearances, combined with a total lack of any sex education whatsoever, including basic sexual etiquette or use of protection. The community oppression forces members into living secret lives where high risk behaviors are never addressed'” Ziglar said.

According to the report, Satmar and other Hassidim were once considered an extremely low danger group because of the appearance of high levels of monogamy. But now the danger rate has been changed to high. They now have higher rate of marital infidelity than classical musicians, rock musicians, heroin dealers or Gene Simmons, the Jewish lead singer and founder of the musical group Kiss.

Common activities for the Hassidic groups include Mikvah mixers, group trips around the world, kissing the kverer, kvetching about the tsoras from the Torahs, and the old classic, tossing the salad while peeling the fruit.

Miryam Blein of Boro Park, is quoted in the report as knowing many married couples where the husband, or wife, or both, openly had a boyfriend or girlfriend outside of their marriage, but the couple had to stay married in order to please the rabbi.

Mordechai Teitelbaum said the rabbi disapproved of this practice, saying the use of a plegish or other sexual surrogate was a pleasure reserved only for the Grand Rebbe and his wealthiest donors, not open to any member who is merely wealthy.

Rabbi Mayer Lansky, the famous Misnag had nothing but scorn for the utter ignorance of Ultra Orthodox groups. “The Hassidim don't know the difference between Chlorine and Clorox, so the entire community suffers from extremely dry, irritated skin. If they can't figure that one out, what makes you think they have any idea what those red bumps are on the crotch of their favorite prostitute?”

The group Chabad Lubavitch also received special recognition for their special system of sending emissaries all over the globe. Aish HaTorah was also recognized for spreading a virulently racist ideology.