Yeshivot to add special class on molestation
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshivah Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
Due to the outbreak of attention focussed on scandals surrounding Orthodox rabbis having illicit relations with students a new class has been added to rabbinical classes at a Brooklyn Yeshiva. The rabbis teaching ordination students at Yeshiva Chaim Berlin and Torah Vodaass have joined together to create a curriculum on childhood sexual molestation in the Orthodox community.
“As the preeminent schools for creating rabbinical leadership in the Orthodox world, we realize it is important to address this vital issue early on,” said Rabbi Wosner of Brooklyn, NY. “There are many important facets to this part of Orthodoxy that rabbis must be educated on.
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Much to the surprise of many concerned parents this class is not going to be the same chillul hashem as The Awareness Center or other groups, Wosner said. Instead this group would educate rabbis.
“Many old ideas are no longer applicable, like the supposition that a minor cannot testify in bait din, since they can now testify in secular court. Our class teaches newly minted rabbis how to find the neglected kids from dysfunctional families so there will never be any calls to justice to begin with,” Said Gedalia Schorr, a Monsey rabbi descended from the gadol hador of Torah Vodass, Rabbi Simcha Schorr.
“Using tips from my father, I've personally molested more that 3,000 baalei teshuvah and not one has taken it further than the local mikveh. Avrahom Braun and me, we're like the dynamic duo compared with the menuval, Rabbi Tropper!” Schorr Said.
The celebratory tone didn't stop with the announcement. There was a five man band performing all the classic wedding tunes, with men holding hands and dancing in circles in the traditional manner, palm of hand on crotch area of the man next to him, in big circles of gay Israeli style dancing.
A recently revealed adult who says he was a victim of childhood sexual molestation also spoke at the commencement. Chaim Chalvner said he was raped regularly from the age of eight until bar mitzvah. “I was molested for five of the worst years of my life. Yet to silence me, they had their congregation bribe me for hundreds of thousands of dollars, mainly because I come from a wealthy family. Redistribution of wealth is an essential part of communism and what could be more redistributive than having more people receive bribes of silence?” He said.
“Many people don't realize however much molestation might go on, there is no homosexuality in the Orthodox community,” Wosner said. “In order to be considered gay, at least one partner must be a willing participant in an act. Since we victimize children against their will and they are not of legal age to testify in bait din, there is no legal homosexuality. It's the Achmedinajad argument all over again.”
A recent audit of major Hassidic and Ultra-Orthodox congregations by Agudath Israel confirmed a unanimous and complete absence of flamboyance, openly gay behavior, bright clothing or any typical gay behavior. “Except a few young boys had sexy high pitched voices,” the report noted.
Showing posts with label Hasidim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hasidim. Show all posts
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Jewish group announces new organization, National Alliance for the Mentally Well
Jewish group announces new organization, National Alliance for the Mentally Well
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The patriarch of the Monsey Community Outreach announced today that a new organization was afoot in Monsey and soon the world would be worshiping at the feet of Jews while they studied Talmud and the Messiah arrived. The National Alliance for the Mentally Well was announced by Mendel Hoffman Tuesday as a new support organization designed to bolster Orthodox influence while taking all the money intended to help sick people nationwide.
The new organization, patterned after the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, has a uniquely Jewish twist, because it is not designed to help people, only to collect money.
“We know that society at large suffers from the mental illness called secularism, and the religious life is the only way. Besides the religion is oppressive enough that most of us suffer from symptoms of PTSD, OCD and depression,” Hoffman said.
“We got all the school vouchers for the New York City. All. 100 percent. Now, we are taking the other money and putting it to use, lining the pockets of the rabbinate of Monsey!” Hoffman gleefully announced to the deafening cheers of a crowd of thousands of Hassidim and Ultra-Orthodox at a collaborative press release and sium in the Rockland county park.
As part of the celebration, the held during the three weeks of summer when the Orthodox are not allowed to eat meat, announcements were made, three old men held a celebration for completing the reading of a tractate of Mishnah and two thousand people ate free barbecue and drank beer in the summer heat. Monsey Community Outreach footed the bill with money allocated for helping adults with Downs Syndrome live independently.
“Even the name is a joke on the goyim,” Hoffman said, “Since everybody knows being frum causes mental illness. Where else can you find such a large group of people all afflicted with PTSD from childhood parental neglect and childhood sexual molestation, OCD from years of obsessing about molecules, contradictory kosher laws and a restrictive lifestyle that doesn't allow for basic health measures, any physical activity, freedom or happiness?”
“The funniest part, for us rabbis,” Hoffman said, “is we know the rules are a joke and we watch our Mexican caterers carry unboiled wine and bless Jesus while they pour a bracha for unsuspecting Hasidim. Then we laugh our ass off. This distresses our followers who then come to us with money, seeking a way to feel better.”
“Now we have an organization to help us use these people to defraud the government through this organization, even while we still collect tithing from them,” Hoffman said. “We already have tons of downs babies and that is a major source of wealth flowing into the community. Now we can start collecting on behalf of healthy normal-ish people as well.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The patriarch of the Monsey Community Outreach announced today that a new organization was afoot in Monsey and soon the world would be worshiping at the feet of Jews while they studied Talmud and the Messiah arrived. The National Alliance for the Mentally Well was announced by Mendel Hoffman Tuesday as a new support organization designed to bolster Orthodox influence while taking all the money intended to help sick people nationwide.
The new organization, patterned after the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, has a uniquely Jewish twist, because it is not designed to help people, only to collect money.
“We know that society at large suffers from the mental illness called secularism, and the religious life is the only way. Besides the religion is oppressive enough that most of us suffer from symptoms of PTSD, OCD and depression,” Hoffman said.
“We got all the school vouchers for the New York City. All. 100 percent. Now, we are taking the other money and putting it to use, lining the pockets of the rabbinate of Monsey!” Hoffman gleefully announced to the deafening cheers of a crowd of thousands of Hassidim and Ultra-Orthodox at a collaborative press release and sium in the Rockland county park.
As part of the celebration, the held during the three weeks of summer when the Orthodox are not allowed to eat meat, announcements were made, three old men held a celebration for completing the reading of a tractate of Mishnah and two thousand people ate free barbecue and drank beer in the summer heat. Monsey Community Outreach footed the bill with money allocated for helping adults with Downs Syndrome live independently.
“Even the name is a joke on the goyim,” Hoffman said, “Since everybody knows being frum causes mental illness. Where else can you find such a large group of people all afflicted with PTSD from childhood parental neglect and childhood sexual molestation, OCD from years of obsessing about molecules, contradictory kosher laws and a restrictive lifestyle that doesn't allow for basic health measures, any physical activity, freedom or happiness?”
“The funniest part, for us rabbis,” Hoffman said, “is we know the rules are a joke and we watch our Mexican caterers carry unboiled wine and bless Jesus while they pour a bracha for unsuspecting Hasidim. Then we laugh our ass off. This distresses our followers who then come to us with money, seeking a way to feel better.”
“Now we have an organization to help us use these people to defraud the government through this organization, even while we still collect tithing from them,” Hoffman said. “We already have tons of downs babies and that is a major source of wealth flowing into the community. Now we can start collecting on behalf of healthy normal-ish people as well.”
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