Postville, Iowa Chulent Made from undocumented immigrants
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish Hatorah
Special to Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
Many complaints have come across the desk of kosher supervisors across the nation and across the world that chulent has not been tasting as good as it did in the past. After an extensive investigation, the nation's largest Kosher supervision organization has found the answer with the most shocking reasons. It is all tied to the arrest of Shalom Rubashkin and the kosher slaughterhouse in Postville, Iowa.
In a prison cell revelation, Shalom Rubaskin has revealed that he was using undocumented immigrants in the production of Rubaskins Chulent. Everyone knows he hired people without papers, but we are just discovering they were also the secret ingredient that made Rubashkins chulent the best of all brands available in the kosher grocery.
“Humans eat the finest staples of wheat, high fructose corn syrup and aspartame of any animal,” Rubashkin said. “We all learn in cheder [elementary school] how [gentiles] are not really human, lacking the highest part of the neshama (soul), and also human meat is fed the finest grain,” Rubashkin announced at a press conference held in the prison shower room at the point of a highly sharpened butter knife.
But he also offered the apology to “Vinny the knife”. “But I am sure you have a very nice soul and the Ribono shel olam has a place reserved for you in the front row of the world to come,” Rubashkin said. The whole event was caught on the security camera where the prison security officer captured it on the computer, and uploaded it to youtube.com under the screen name, Ny'sboldest.
A series of scientific studies carried out independently across the nation found that in older frozen chulent packages, indeed the hemoglobin on the meat was in fact of Hispanic origin with fat and lean muscle ratios consistent with a diet based on Mcdonald's and Pizza Hut. However it also discovered the more recent frozen chulent packages only contained the meat of animals like cows, chickens, cats dogs and pork.
The Kosher supervision body of note issued a ruling that since the delicious chulent was no longer available no further action was necessary. In a posthumous psak din, Rabbi Harold I Scharfman spoke from his grave in Los Angeles and said, “Human meat is more of a delicacy than monkey or Genie. Besides, this gives valuable employment opportunities to all the surplus populations around the world.”
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Chabad makes special chulent
Chabad at 770 makes special chulent of people from all over the world
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
Chulent is often considered the best stew on planet Earth. A mixture of beans and seasoning and meats, served piping hot, it is delicious. Everyone knows the Hassidic world has the best chulent to be found anywhere. Only recently have events in Postville, Iowa began to reveal why. Of course, the best chulent in all Hassidim is found in Crown Heights at the Rebbe's shul, 770 Eastern Parkway. Documents revealed during bankruptcy filings related to Chabad have finally revealed why having an international network can result in the best chulent ever made.
A higher up in the Chabad administration filed bankruptcy to avoid paying child support to his third wife and their twelve children and an astute lawyer was accidentally given access to records from his work where it was revealed Chabad was using it's international network of followers to recruit dedicated Lubvitchers from around the world to serve in the Rebbe's chulent as the most delectable ingredient.
“We sent emissaries to the third and fourth world where the people know human meat is the most delectable sustenance there is. It didn't take a lot of thinking to realize that we had an endless supply of people willing to do anything up to giving up their life for our religious fiction. It was a natural conclusion to include them in the meal,” Said Moshe Hertz, a senior handler for guests to Crown Heights.
Documents reveal extensive communications between employees in Brooklyn and the thousands of Chabad houses around the world coordinating who has their papers in order before travelling to Brooklyn, and who has not yet written Chabad-Lubavitch into their will yet. Emissaries make sure the person will not be missed and around suspicion before allowing them to visit New York and make the ultimate sacrifice for the Rebbe.
“When the rebbe took over Chabad he was worth $10 million. With his business acumen he realized every emissaries sent out sent back ten times as much as he cost and the rebbe died with a net worth of $500 million,” Hertz said. “What makes you think the apparatchiks in Crown Heights limited themselves to the luxuries money can buy?”
As further proof, Hertz, brought up the movie, Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, where a restauranteur became immensely wealthy by serving up the most delicious pies, fully of the best meat available to man, human meat.
Isaac Schonfeld, a Lubavitcher living in Boro Park has hosted a Chulent party every Thursday for the past ten years, a place where people stay up until sunrise drinking and smoking their way to varying parts of oblivion. However his Chulent has no meat.
“We are dealing with a varying crowd and it is highly likely someone would leave my party and drink milk after eating chulent, so we don't use any meat at the Chulent party,” He said.
This was in contradiction of a ruling handed down by the Rosh Yeshiva Aaron Kotler, at Bais Midrash Jehovia, in Lakewood, New Jersey.
“Deorisa [from the Torah], human meat is not meat, it is not necessary to wait 3 minutes before having milk. However if it is in a chulent there is a possibility a person might confuse it with meat from a cow or pig,so it is necessary to wait, but only as a fence around the laws, not as a law itself,” Kotler said.
Hertz was dismissive, saying Schonfeld didn't have a very large fan base yet. “Just joining in with Chabad Lubavitch gives rabbis a connection to an already built fan base of millions. We are the single largest Jewish organization in the world, with followers to spare. With all these extra people to waste, we do.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
Chulent is often considered the best stew on planet Earth. A mixture of beans and seasoning and meats, served piping hot, it is delicious. Everyone knows the Hassidic world has the best chulent to be found anywhere. Only recently have events in Postville, Iowa began to reveal why. Of course, the best chulent in all Hassidim is found in Crown Heights at the Rebbe's shul, 770 Eastern Parkway. Documents revealed during bankruptcy filings related to Chabad have finally revealed why having an international network can result in the best chulent ever made.
A higher up in the Chabad administration filed bankruptcy to avoid paying child support to his third wife and their twelve children and an astute lawyer was accidentally given access to records from his work where it was revealed Chabad was using it's international network of followers to recruit dedicated Lubvitchers from around the world to serve in the Rebbe's chulent as the most delectable ingredient.
“We sent emissaries to the third and fourth world where the people know human meat is the most delectable sustenance there is. It didn't take a lot of thinking to realize that we had an endless supply of people willing to do anything up to giving up their life for our religious fiction. It was a natural conclusion to include them in the meal,” Said Moshe Hertz, a senior handler for guests to Crown Heights.
Documents reveal extensive communications between employees in Brooklyn and the thousands of Chabad houses around the world coordinating who has their papers in order before travelling to Brooklyn, and who has not yet written Chabad-Lubavitch into their will yet. Emissaries make sure the person will not be missed and around suspicion before allowing them to visit New York and make the ultimate sacrifice for the Rebbe.
“When the rebbe took over Chabad he was worth $10 million. With his business acumen he realized every emissaries sent out sent back ten times as much as he cost and the rebbe died with a net worth of $500 million,” Hertz said. “What makes you think the apparatchiks in Crown Heights limited themselves to the luxuries money can buy?”
As further proof, Hertz, brought up the movie, Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, where a restauranteur became immensely wealthy by serving up the most delicious pies, fully of the best meat available to man, human meat.
Isaac Schonfeld, a Lubavitcher living in Boro Park has hosted a Chulent party every Thursday for the past ten years, a place where people stay up until sunrise drinking and smoking their way to varying parts of oblivion. However his Chulent has no meat.
“We are dealing with a varying crowd and it is highly likely someone would leave my party and drink milk after eating chulent, so we don't use any meat at the Chulent party,” He said.
This was in contradiction of a ruling handed down by the Rosh Yeshiva Aaron Kotler, at Bais Midrash Jehovia, in Lakewood, New Jersey.
“Deorisa [from the Torah], human meat is not meat, it is not necessary to wait 3 minutes before having milk. However if it is in a chulent there is a possibility a person might confuse it with meat from a cow or pig,so it is necessary to wait, but only as a fence around the laws, not as a law itself,” Kotler said.
Hertz was dismissive, saying Schonfeld didn't have a very large fan base yet. “Just joining in with Chabad Lubavitch gives rabbis a connection to an already built fan base of millions. We are the single largest Jewish organization in the world, with followers to spare. With all these extra people to waste, we do.”
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Troppper - If I did it
Tropper releases new memoir called If I Did It
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach, Meshumad Meshubach
Masgiach Ruchini, Yehsiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
Rabbi Leib Tropper of Monsey, New York had branched out of the Hebrew language world to release a memoirs of how he eliminated the perceived competition of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler, called If I did It. In this tell-all memoirs Tropper details how he became a millionaire and then used his money and influence to ruin the career of another rabbi by falsified claims and using his social influence.
Tropper starts out with the usual rabbinical story of constantly repeating claims of poverty while raking in hundreds of thousands in donations from wealthy donors to help the poor suffering students, then keeping the money for himself, tax exempt.
He details how he then convinced the Rabbinical councils in Jerusalem to give him almost sole authority in granting conversions that would be accepted in Israel before beginning a slander campaign against Tendler, discrediting him in the eyes of his followers.
“I couldn't believe the unnamed flyers and spreading rumors to a few key gossips could be so effective,” Tropper says in his book. “Then when I was approached by Adina Mermelstein, it was amazing. I couldn't believe such a sweety feel into our laps”.
Tropper goes into depth about the system of using crazy people as weapons in Monsey. “You just know this crazy is going to be hard to handle. Sending them to Tendlers shul guarantees he will be so busy putting out fires that he will neglect everything else.”
He details encountering a sick woman looking for some help with her years of hospitalization for her mental problems and just showering her with love until she would do anything he asked her, then feeding her romantic fantasies about Tendler.
“I just squeezed her and watched her guts spill out all over floor,” he said, regarding how Mermelstein's condition degraded seriously with his manipulation. After a year of floating around Tendlers' shul and alienating the fuck out of everyone, “she was ready for the final stage,” he said.
In the book Tropper details how he had a lawyer in his congregation draw up and file a lawsuit filled with the most crazy allegations he could think up, knowing it would never need to go to trial or be based in fact.
“This schtuss, [shit] we made up, we couldn't believe it, and now everyone in Monsey thinks this guy is some sort of monster! It's wonderful,” Tropper said in a press conference. “He wouldn't touch this poor sick girl, but was nice enough to let her attend his congregation, and that was all we needed. Tendler is one of the nicest people in all of Monsey, but as competition he had to be eliminated.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach, Meshumad Meshubach
Masgiach Ruchini, Yehsiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
Rabbi Leib Tropper of Monsey, New York had branched out of the Hebrew language world to release a memoirs of how he eliminated the perceived competition of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler, called If I did It. In this tell-all memoirs Tropper details how he became a millionaire and then used his money and influence to ruin the career of another rabbi by falsified claims and using his social influence.
Tropper starts out with the usual rabbinical story of constantly repeating claims of poverty while raking in hundreds of thousands in donations from wealthy donors to help the poor suffering students, then keeping the money for himself, tax exempt.
He details how he then convinced the Rabbinical councils in Jerusalem to give him almost sole authority in granting conversions that would be accepted in Israel before beginning a slander campaign against Tendler, discrediting him in the eyes of his followers.
“I couldn't believe the unnamed flyers and spreading rumors to a few key gossips could be so effective,” Tropper says in his book. “Then when I was approached by Adina Mermelstein, it was amazing. I couldn't believe such a sweety feel into our laps”.
Tropper goes into depth about the system of using crazy people as weapons in Monsey. “You just know this crazy is going to be hard to handle. Sending them to Tendlers shul guarantees he will be so busy putting out fires that he will neglect everything else.”
He details encountering a sick woman looking for some help with her years of hospitalization for her mental problems and just showering her with love until she would do anything he asked her, then feeding her romantic fantasies about Tendler.
“I just squeezed her and watched her guts spill out all over floor,” he said, regarding how Mermelstein's condition degraded seriously with his manipulation. After a year of floating around Tendlers' shul and alienating the fuck out of everyone, “she was ready for the final stage,” he said.
In the book Tropper details how he had a lawyer in his congregation draw up and file a lawsuit filled with the most crazy allegations he could think up, knowing it would never need to go to trial or be based in fact.
“This schtuss, [shit] we made up, we couldn't believe it, and now everyone in Monsey thinks this guy is some sort of monster! It's wonderful,” Tropper said in a press conference. “He wouldn't touch this poor sick girl, but was nice enough to let her attend his congregation, and that was all we needed. Tendler is one of the nicest people in all of Monsey, but as competition he had to be eliminated.”
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
New real estate investment opportunities to support yeshivas
Rabbi Tropper announces new real estate investment opportunities to support yeshivas
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
A rabbi at an Orthodox Outreach organization in Monsey has announced a new investment opportunity that has many Orthodox Jews licking their lips like it was the blood of Christian babies. The real estate investment trust is being promoted as the biggest profit making opportunity since Goldman Sachs introduced mortgage fraud based equities.
Rabbi Lieb Tropper announced that since he lost power in Kol Yaakov his donation revenue has been declining precipitously. So he is using his last non-porofit entity, Horizons to launch a fraud ponzi corporation that will raise money like the world has never seen. The announcement was made last night at his annual money grubbing dinner held at Monsey wedding hall.
“After years of working with Rabbi Lieb Pinter and developing the expertise few people have in the field of mortgages, fraud, organized crime and racketeering, this program will be the climax of my career, the deal that I can retire on.,” Tropper said.
The idea was to build factories in places where cheap labor is available, near shipping. Tropper said he will build a factory in Africa to manufacture luxury houses, employing children who are homeless and willing to work for a cup of rice a day.
“We'll build near a diamond mine to take advantage of existing infrastructure,” he said.
The plan does not stop at manufacturing homes. Tropper said the plan included, “assembling luxury homes all over Statan Island and middle America, and insuring them all.”
“Don't worry about a supposed luxury housing glut,” Tropper said. “All the houses will have a built in wiring defect. After we over-value the lot, they will all burn up, resulting in the largest fire insurance payout in history!”
The idea was well received in Monsey. According to Mendel Hoffman, Monsey Community Newspaper editor, “This is important to the Monsey Community, since yeshiva fraud funds the lines of credit for all local businesses, from dry goods stores to heroin importers, to car salesmen. “
Hoffman went on to describe a billion-dollar “community trust” that will provide for enhanced socialism for all Orthodox currently living in Monsey. “This will provide for Tropper now that the elders of the community have voted that he must move out of town. It will ensure we all get taken care of and when he takes the fall, if it comes to that, well, he will get three hot meals a day and have lots of time to study Talmud over in Sing Sing,” Hoffman said.
And for people who live in nearby Ramapo or Spring Valley? “Those people are not part of our community, but they are eligible if they can find ten people in Monsey willing to sign them into the trust,” Hoffman said.
When the topic of fraud being illegal was mentioned, Tropper was not put off. “We'll do the whole boondoggle through the Rabbinical Court, the Bait Din, and the FBI can't read Hebrew so it won't be an issue with them.”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://MeshumadMeshubach.blogspot.com
A rabbi at an Orthodox Outreach organization in Monsey has announced a new investment opportunity that has many Orthodox Jews licking their lips like it was the blood of Christian babies. The real estate investment trust is being promoted as the biggest profit making opportunity since Goldman Sachs introduced mortgage fraud based equities.
Rabbi Lieb Tropper announced that since he lost power in Kol Yaakov his donation revenue has been declining precipitously. So he is using his last non-porofit entity, Horizons to launch a fraud ponzi corporation that will raise money like the world has never seen. The announcement was made last night at his annual money grubbing dinner held at Monsey wedding hall.
“After years of working with Rabbi Lieb Pinter and developing the expertise few people have in the field of mortgages, fraud, organized crime and racketeering, this program will be the climax of my career, the deal that I can retire on.,” Tropper said.
The idea was to build factories in places where cheap labor is available, near shipping. Tropper said he will build a factory in Africa to manufacture luxury houses, employing children who are homeless and willing to work for a cup of rice a day.
“We'll build near a diamond mine to take advantage of existing infrastructure,” he said.
The plan does not stop at manufacturing homes. Tropper said the plan included, “assembling luxury homes all over Statan Island and middle America, and insuring them all.”
“Don't worry about a supposed luxury housing glut,” Tropper said. “All the houses will have a built in wiring defect. After we over-value the lot, they will all burn up, resulting in the largest fire insurance payout in history!”
The idea was well received in Monsey. According to Mendel Hoffman, Monsey Community Newspaper editor, “This is important to the Monsey Community, since yeshiva fraud funds the lines of credit for all local businesses, from dry goods stores to heroin importers, to car salesmen. “
Hoffman went on to describe a billion-dollar “community trust” that will provide for enhanced socialism for all Orthodox currently living in Monsey. “This will provide for Tropper now that the elders of the community have voted that he must move out of town. It will ensure we all get taken care of and when he takes the fall, if it comes to that, well, he will get three hot meals a day and have lots of time to study Talmud over in Sing Sing,” Hoffman said.
And for people who live in nearby Ramapo or Spring Valley? “Those people are not part of our community, but they are eligible if they can find ten people in Monsey willing to sign them into the trust,” Hoffman said.
When the topic of fraud being illegal was mentioned, Tropper was not put off. “We'll do the whole boondoggle through the Rabbinical Court, the Bait Din, and the FBI can't read Hebrew so it won't be an issue with them.”
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Bruno, a movie that teaches more than you think
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Satmar announces number one award for growth
Satmar spokesman announces CDC number one award for growth
By Rabbi Lamech Somach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish Hatorah
Special to Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The Hassidic group Satmar held a press conference announcing they won an achievement
award for outstanding progress from the government of the United States, announced Mordechai Teitelbaum, spokesperson for the grand Rebbe based out of the Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn. “Our organizational goal has been to produce as many children as possible and now we are the dominant religious block in New York, and this only validates our existence. We have every appearance of success,” Teitelbaum said.
Although the announcement was heralded as proof of success, the “recognition” was actually a report from the Centers For Disease Control in Atlanta regarding large amounts of high risk sexual behavior for the transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The carefully worded report was a warning that many members of the Satmar Hassidic group regularly participate in unprotected, high risk sexual behavior, making Williamsburg the site for the next major AIDS outbreak.
The report, “High growth risk in the religious world” said that the high levels of marital infidelity found among all the various Ultra-Orthodox groups form a major risk cluster for HIV and other STDs. Because survey respondents are forced into marriage at an early age, many report openly seeking sexual experiences outside of marriage.68.5 percent of respondents reported that their spouses knew about the affair and but did not care.
Factors contributing to the problem included a complete lack of sexual education and a complete isolation from advertising designed to educate people about the problem. It also mentioned forced marriage at an early age and complete disregard for personal preferences by the individuals charged with arranging marriages. According to CDC analyst Steve Ziglar, these social conditions inside the Satmar community are highly conducive to the transmission and growth of HIV and AIDS.
“There is a disproportionate emphasis on appearances, combined with a total lack of any sex education whatsoever, including basic sexual etiquette or use of protection. The community oppression forces members into living secret lives where high risk behaviors are never addressed'” Ziglar said.
According to the report, Satmar and other Hassidim were once considered an extremely low danger group because of the appearance of high levels of monogamy. But now the danger rate has been changed to high. They now have higher rate of marital infidelity than classical musicians, rock musicians, heroin dealers or Gene Simmons, the Jewish lead singer and founder of the musical group Kiss.
Common activities for the Hassidic groups include Mikvah mixers, group trips around the world, kissing the kverer, kvetching about the tsoras from the Torahs, and the old classic, tossing the salad while peeling the fruit.
Miryam Blein of Boro Park, is quoted in the report as knowing many married couples where the husband, or wife, or both, openly had a boyfriend or girlfriend outside of their marriage, but the couple had to stay married in order to please the rabbi.
Mordechai Teitelbaum said the rabbi disapproved of this practice, saying the use of a plegish or other sexual surrogate was a pleasure reserved only for the Grand Rebbe and his wealthiest donors, not open to any member who is merely wealthy.
Rabbi Mayer Lansky, the famous Misnag had nothing but scorn for the utter ignorance of Ultra Orthodox groups. “The Hassidim don't know the difference between Chlorine and Clorox, so the entire community suffers from extremely dry, irritated skin. If they can't figure that one out, what makes you think they have any idea what those red bumps are on the crotch of their favorite prostitute?”
The group Chabad Lubavitch also received special recognition for their special system of sending emissaries all over the globe. Aish HaTorah was also recognized for spreading a virulently racist ideology.
By Rabbi Lamech Somach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish Hatorah
Special to Meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
The Hassidic group Satmar held a press conference announcing they won an achievement
award for outstanding progress from the government of the United States, announced Mordechai Teitelbaum, spokesperson for the grand Rebbe based out of the Williamsburg neighborhood in Brooklyn. “Our organizational goal has been to produce as many children as possible and now we are the dominant religious block in New York, and this only validates our existence. We have every appearance of success,” Teitelbaum said.
Although the announcement was heralded as proof of success, the “recognition” was actually a report from the Centers For Disease Control in Atlanta regarding large amounts of high risk sexual behavior for the transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. The carefully worded report was a warning that many members of the Satmar Hassidic group regularly participate in unprotected, high risk sexual behavior, making Williamsburg the site for the next major AIDS outbreak.
The report, “High growth risk in the religious world” said that the high levels of marital infidelity found among all the various Ultra-Orthodox groups form a major risk cluster for HIV and other STDs. Because survey respondents are forced into marriage at an early age, many report openly seeking sexual experiences outside of marriage.68.5 percent of respondents reported that their spouses knew about the affair and but did not care.
Factors contributing to the problem included a complete lack of sexual education and a complete isolation from advertising designed to educate people about the problem. It also mentioned forced marriage at an early age and complete disregard for personal preferences by the individuals charged with arranging marriages. According to CDC analyst Steve Ziglar, these social conditions inside the Satmar community are highly conducive to the transmission and growth of HIV and AIDS.
“There is a disproportionate emphasis on appearances, combined with a total lack of any sex education whatsoever, including basic sexual etiquette or use of protection. The community oppression forces members into living secret lives where high risk behaviors are never addressed'” Ziglar said.
According to the report, Satmar and other Hassidim were once considered an extremely low danger group because of the appearance of high levels of monogamy. But now the danger rate has been changed to high. They now have higher rate of marital infidelity than classical musicians, rock musicians, heroin dealers or Gene Simmons, the Jewish lead singer and founder of the musical group Kiss.
Common activities for the Hassidic groups include Mikvah mixers, group trips around the world, kissing the kverer, kvetching about the tsoras from the Torahs, and the old classic, tossing the salad while peeling the fruit.
Miryam Blein of Boro Park, is quoted in the report as knowing many married couples where the husband, or wife, or both, openly had a boyfriend or girlfriend outside of their marriage, but the couple had to stay married in order to please the rabbi.
Mordechai Teitelbaum said the rabbi disapproved of this practice, saying the use of a plegish or other sexual surrogate was a pleasure reserved only for the Grand Rebbe and his wealthiest donors, not open to any member who is merely wealthy.
Rabbi Mayer Lansky, the famous Misnag had nothing but scorn for the utter ignorance of Ultra Orthodox groups. “The Hassidim don't know the difference between Chlorine and Clorox, so the entire community suffers from extremely dry, irritated skin. If they can't figure that one out, what makes you think they have any idea what those red bumps are on the crotch of their favorite prostitute?”
The group Chabad Lubavitch also received special recognition for their special system of sending emissaries all over the globe. Aish HaTorah was also recognized for spreading a virulently racist ideology.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Vizhnitzer Rebbe announces “Our long national nightmare is over”
Vizhnitzer Rebbe announces “Our long national nightmare is over”
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
Following the announcement of President Elect Barack Obama, on January second, Mordechai Hager, The Rebbe of Vizhnitz-Monsey has announced that “Our long national nightmare is over.” In echoing the words of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, he invoked the feeling that eight years of fear about losing a Federal subsidy to kollel members everywhere has ended.
“For eight years we have seen benefits rolled back by not keeping up with inflation,” the Rebbe announced. “For the entire time of the Bush regime we have lived in fear of losing our government subsidies. Yeshivas suffer from lack of food stamps while the Zionists get the military support we deserve here in the US. Now with the Schvartza in the Ovaltine Office, we have no more fear, our long national nightmare is over.”
Reactions from his followers were mixed, and confusing.
“Oy is mir! Misphachasom V’lednick deh hoor is mein oshvat’chem!” One man in the minyan factory said. However, nobody has been able to translate this statement.
Other responses were clearer in language but just as obtuse in their meaning.
“I know what he said, but what it means in common terms is indelible, quite incredible! This is not even a reversal, it is more like a connection. Wait until I tell my cousin Faige,” Said Feige Sromlowicz of Monsey.
There was considerable outcry against this statement from the Satmar shtible around the corner. Although the prayer hall is a small outpost from the main Satmar groups in Williamsburg and Monroe, the counter reaction of the rebbe expressed shock at their reaction.
“Those anti-Zionist people are nuts, but anyone who thinks the Bush White House was bad for the illegal occupiers of Palestinian Land are confused,” Said Rabbi Tzvi Greystone of Monsey. “Under the Bush we have been blessed to see a holy expansion of the illegal settlements and the oppression of the rightful Palestinian residents of the land has been divinely inspired.”
In the aftermath of hearing this barrage of criticism from his neighbor and arch-rival, the Vizhnitzer Rebbe said “You know, he has a point.”
“This is all the fault of our living in a current society obsessed with secular happiness and pornography. We are the leadership and our job is to cow the followers with continual reminders of the Holocaust and other feel-bad exhortations. Saying the nightmare is over is wrong. The nightmare is always just beginning for a newly religious person somewhere,” Said Rabbi Naftali Reich of Dark Light Yeshiva in Monsey.
Hugh Hefner was unavailable for comment.
By Rabbi Lamech Somayach Meshumad Meshubach
Mashgiach Ruchini, Yeshiva Aishes Eish HaTorah
Special to http://meshumadmeshubach.blogspot.com
Following the announcement of President Elect Barack Obama, on January second, Mordechai Hager, The Rebbe of Vizhnitz-Monsey has announced that “Our long national nightmare is over.” In echoing the words of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, he invoked the feeling that eight years of fear about losing a Federal subsidy to kollel members everywhere has ended.
“For eight years we have seen benefits rolled back by not keeping up with inflation,” the Rebbe announced. “For the entire time of the Bush regime we have lived in fear of losing our government subsidies. Yeshivas suffer from lack of food stamps while the Zionists get the military support we deserve here in the US. Now with the Schvartza in the Ovaltine Office, we have no more fear, our long national nightmare is over.”
Reactions from his followers were mixed, and confusing.
“Oy is mir! Misphachasom V’lednick deh hoor is mein oshvat’chem!” One man in the minyan factory said. However, nobody has been able to translate this statement.
Other responses were clearer in language but just as obtuse in their meaning.
“I know what he said, but what it means in common terms is indelible, quite incredible! This is not even a reversal, it is more like a connection. Wait until I tell my cousin Faige,” Said Feige Sromlowicz of Monsey.
There was considerable outcry against this statement from the Satmar shtible around the corner. Although the prayer hall is a small outpost from the main Satmar groups in Williamsburg and Monroe, the counter reaction of the rebbe expressed shock at their reaction.
“Those anti-Zionist people are nuts, but anyone who thinks the Bush White House was bad for the illegal occupiers of Palestinian Land are confused,” Said Rabbi Tzvi Greystone of Monsey. “Under the Bush we have been blessed to see a holy expansion of the illegal settlements and the oppression of the rightful Palestinian residents of the land has been divinely inspired.”
In the aftermath of hearing this barrage of criticism from his neighbor and arch-rival, the Vizhnitzer Rebbe said “You know, he has a point.”
“This is all the fault of our living in a current society obsessed with secular happiness and pornography. We are the leadership and our job is to cow the followers with continual reminders of the Holocaust and other feel-bad exhortations. Saying the nightmare is over is wrong. The nightmare is always just beginning for a newly religious person somewhere,” Said Rabbi Naftali Reich of Dark Light Yeshiva in Monsey.
Hugh Hefner was unavailable for comment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)